there's no sadder word than bye
Friday, March 04, 2005
hey peeps. here are the lists
going for sure --- gao, jac lim, dan, chrystal, yawen...
unconfirmed --- jac tan, daryl, van, weegin...
staying --- shann, lam, chengyao, xavier, daphne yeo, siewpeng, nihaad, norma, lirong
who else staying or leaving? TELL ME!
im going. rather confirmed. dar saes im entering into a good college and i have to be happy. so i try to. there's too many reasons to stay, too less to go. i guess maybe the arts pple feel more than the sci pple. all brains and no heart. we have both. blessing and a curse cos there's no sadder word than bye.
was debating within myself yesterday. waiting for shann sumwhere near my home, staring at the bball hoop. just staring. an hour passed. saw myself doing imaginary layups. dunking is out of the question but yeah, can just see myself playing. see myself happy. an hour crawled by, got real irritated. not with shann. with the options im faced with. the choice i had to make. cudnt take it so i need to breathe. i took a walk, and decided to walk to the mrt. so i met shan at the mrt. we arrived at sch. played a lil while. sum weirdos were staring from the top and said hi to me in a lusty tone. dey prolly were trying to appeal in. i just rolled my eyes and ran to the other side of the court to play. love the crack of the net when the ball flops in.
i haf alwaes wanted to go hc. rj was NEVER one of my options. this is lame but i went to appeal cos my senior asked me to go down. and bcos sum fren asked me to appeal. not in love la. just a v special frenship, a feeling that prolly cud last a zillion years. no temptation or wadever. just very happy when he is ard. and so i went. i got in. he didnt. irony. this is to teach you never go to a school cos of sumone else. u'll get into deep trouble. rj called to tell me it was successful. sum HOD woman, real nice lady. "are you the serene from AJC?"
she calls me "the serene from ajc". it sounded so good. serene from AJC. serene from AJC! woah.
SERENE FROM AJC! i like the sound of that. " oh gee, wow! thanks! ok! " that's how i had to force my answer out. i dun wanna go. dun wanna go. i cant withdraw now. everyone is expecting me to be happy that im going. my frens r all against me cos i "stole" a spot. dey think i dun deserve to be there.
i was discussing with shifu abt leaving. he saed he scored 6 and gonna go. i told him i wanna stay. he just went, " go la, i mean we were from there, we should go back..." go back? i cant remember the way back. i love my frens in rg, so mani i cant count... but how mani of the frenships trueli holds water? interesting. i can belong anywhere. can i be happy everywhere? dunno. but maybe.
maybe is alwaes the safest answer. it means yes and no at the same time. im gonna haf to play guitar for another 2 more yrs. ttz cool. but tt means i catch no ball. bah. wadever.
argh. typing all dese is making me wanna stay. if i stay, rjc will kill me, my mum will kill me, my seniors will kill me, my juniors will kill me, and the people i stole the spot from will kill me...
cut my life into pieces, this is my last resort.
hey cool, im eligible for AEP and LEP. i cant stand it. i can do evrith. im taking MEP in rjc. im so zai. im so perfect!im invincible. i shud just stop being sacastic to myself. im hiding at home today
not gg to douby, bracing for the final parting. i dunno wad im thinking. dunno wad im feeling. ok maybe i shud just go. dunno dunno dunno. there's no sadder word than bye. so yea, bye.
Tyrants In Distress;
9:34 AM
